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There is a woman who works where I purchase food for my fur-people. She is blessed with dwarfism. Her head is massively outsized for her small body; her spine is cruely crooked; her legs are bowed.
She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. Despite being confined to a wheelchair, she has a glorious, always-present smile. She greets customers with sincere delight, is thrilled and eager to assist them. She radiates joy. And that joy lifts the spirits of everyone who has the privilege of coming into contact with her.
Recently, I have been thinking about how so many of us fail to recognize that beauty has nothing to do with physical appearance. It has nothing to do with genetic happenstance, weight, height., or body structure,...whether we conform to the standards of beauty dictated by the fashion and movie industry. By the way, I've always found it odd that standards of female beauty, specifically in modern society, are dictated by a fashion industry dominated by men who, to put it politely, are not attracted to women.
I have realized, and personally struggled all of my life with, perceptions imprinted on us by parents....flawed human beings venting their own lack of self-esteem onto their children in many cases. I think this is a multi-generational phenomenon - our parents were victims of victims, who were victims of victims, ad nauseum.
I have encountered, quite recently in one case, women who perceive themselves as ugly because they were told that one body part, or their femaleness, or their overall appearance, was ugly. I look at them, either in person or their picture, and am astonished by their beauty. But they fail to see it. I've known men who don't meet contemporary standards of male perfection, and carry the emotional scars inflicted upon them by abusive parents....and they see themselves as unworthy of love, defective, ugly. Yet, as they share who they are, their fears, their struggles, I am astonished at how beautiful, loveable and courageous they are. Male or female, we see ourselves through the eyes of those who didn't perceive our own unique form of beauty and, in my experience, we view ourselves through that distorted lens.
Here on the vine, I have been humbled by the revelations, often offered in this public venue with great trepidation and enormous courage, by members who are battling their way through pain and warped self-images and getting a glimmer of how truly beautiful they are (okay, for those gentlemen who feel "beautiful" is a female designation....how handsome they are). They are gleaning that beauty, while in some cases a result of genetics, ultimately radiates from who we are within. Some have been uniquely blessed to be partnered with a mate who supports them in their journey toward an awareness of how beautiful they truly are. Many, if not most, of us, struggle alone.
To me, and I certainly do not speak for everyone, "ugly" is demeaning others; it's building oneself up by tearing others down; it's gender, racial, religious pejoratives; it's contempt for anyone who isn't just like us. It's cruelty. It's not recognizing and celebrating the glorious uniqueness of each of us. It's intolerance. It's denigration of others for not having specific genetic gifts (as though that was some sort of personal accomplishment on any individual's part). It's attacking blindly based on the unmitigated gall of someone expressing that a personal, hard-won boundary has been crossed, regardless of how gently that expression is tendered. It's being hurtful and somehow feeling justified in being hurtful. It's inflicting a warped self-image on children. It's demeaning ourselves rather than gently demanding the courtesy we deserve. It's a man or woman who conforms to standards of physical beauty and thinks that gives them some sort of right to be rude and vulgar - now that's ugly!
It's failure to recognize that God does not make mistakes and He does not make junk.
I loathed my physical appearance for most of my life - my mother was regarded as physically beautiful, but she was very, very ugly in her treatment of others. People told me "you look just like your mother!" To me, her cruelty made her ugly; therefore, I was ugly. She regularly told me I was ugly. To this day, the full-length mirror in my bedroom is positioned on the wall so my face cannot be seen in it and I apply cosmetics looking only at the specific part of my face to which I'm applying them.
The upside of this is, I decided long, long ago to focus on my insides. I do get angry - ignore my feelings and right to respect often enough and I will ultimately blow.
But then I think of that indescribably beautiful lady at the pet food store and her consistent demonstration of true beauty. And I feel ashamed that I have so far to grow.
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